How to talk with your child about COVID-19
By Dana Burnett
This week COVID-19 has made an impact on the United States. Parents may be out of work or working from home while children are out of school or daycare. As a parent or caregiver you may find yourself not knowing how to communicate with your child about COVID-19. I am here to help! Below I have listed developmentally appropriate explanations and activities to do with your child based on their age. You know your child best. If the explanation or activities for their age group does not help them then find one that does help them. There are no wrong ways to help our children as long as we are giving them honest information and our attention. Before we jump into age groups let’s first discuss a few things.
1. Be honest with your child! If your child does not get information from you then they will seek it out from another resource. Remember children are ALWAYS listening to televisions and our conversations with family and friends. Try limiting their exposure to these conversations.
2. Refrain from saying “It’s not a big deal.” Your child trusts you if they are coming to you with their worries and fears. Provide them with reassurance. When you tell them things such as “It’s not a big deal.” Or “Stop being scared.” It down plays their feelings. Think about what you are scared of in life. Now what if I told you that your fear is not scary and not a big deal. Instead you can say things such as: “It is okay to feel scared but we are doing everything to stay safe.”
3. Don’t panic! Your child may become more anxious if you are in panic mode yourself. It is acceptable to be anxious but try to minimize showing it to your child. Younger children may not understand what is going on but they can pick up on your anxiety. Be mindful of your actions due to politics and our current culture. You may currently be feeling more frustrated than usual. Be mindful of not taking it out on your child. You can take a break and lessen your own anxiety! Read a chapter in a book while your child colors. Do 15 minutes of yoga while they read a book or watch a show.
Ages 0-2
The best thing to do for this age is keep routines the same and make sure they wash their hands. You can sing nursery rhymes and dance while washing their hands. Facetime the people who they are used to seeing every week. This allows them to keep a connection with them by hearing their voice and seeing their face. Separation anxiety is high at this age. Keeping these connections can help lessen their separation anxiety when they have to go back to daycare.
Ages 3-7
This age is beginning to think symbolically. It is important to keep your explanation short. You may need to repeat it daily or even hourly as they often forget. I wouldn’t give detailed information about COVID-19 but instead discuss people having colds and the need to stay in the house to stay healthy. Reassure them they are safe. This age may have a difficult understanding why grandma can’t come over. Reiterate getting a cold and you don’t want grandma to get sick. Routines are crucial with this age group. Although we are stuck in the house, try keeping a routine. Have art time every day at 11, lunch at 12 and yoga at 1. This will help with behavior that may be negative due to interruption of daily life. This age group may also think they did something wrong and are being punished. Reassure them they did nothing wrong to make this happen.
Activities to do:
· Play “doctor”: This can help clear up misconceptions and fears they may have with COVID-19. Example: The parent says, “I have coronavirus.” The child replies, “You are going to die.” The parent can then ask, “Why am I going to die?” And then when the child says, “Because everyone dies with the virus.” The parent can help correct misconceptions. You can let them play it out and discuss their conversations after play.
· Draw a picture: Art can tell us a lot about how a child is feeling. This can prompt questions for the child. “Oh I see that animal is sad. Why is he sad?”
· Handwashing - Make it fun! Everyone in the family can come up with a list of songs. Put them in a bowl and everytime you wash your hands you have to draw a song out of the bowl and sing it.
Ages 8-11
This age group is starting to think logically about concrete events. This age group along with the next age group will benefit from factual information. One thing you can do is sit down with your child and read the CDC website together. The best thing you can do is provide honest information. As much as you want to stay up to date, try not to have the news on constantly. You could set up 10 minutes a day in their school schedule for “Corona Talk.” This way they can ask questions and you can limit the talk not only for them but for yourself. Peace over panic! This age may miss their school and after school activities. Do they play basketball? Have basketball practice at home. Are they in music lessons? Practice piano at home. Don’t have a piano? Watch YouTube piano lessons and talk about it. Routines! They are so important. Facetime their friends. Physical distancing not social distancing. Compare Covid-19 to the flu to help your child understand the virus. Talk about the symptoms and how some of them are the same. They may think they have COVID-19 because they have a cough. Reassure them symptoms can be from other illnesses. You could give an example by explaining the time you had the flu vs when they had allergies. Both of you were coughing and had a fever. If they are a visual learner you could show them medicine bottles. Have them circle the symptoms on medicine bottles for both flu and allergies and discuss the comparisons between the two. This activity could help them get a better understanding and may help lessen anxiety if they are currently sick with another illness. Explain to them why we are staying home. Discuss how the elderly can become sick faster and the importance of social distancing. Give them peace about their grandparents if they are worried. Have them call grandpa to talk to him over the phone. Remember this age is beginning to think logically. Hearing grandpa’s voice can reassure them they are okay right now.
Activities to do:
· Write a letter: Have your child write a letter to a pretend kid who is worried. This can allow them to write down their own concerns but also to provide the factual information they have been learning about COVID-19. Think of it as a teach back opportunity.
· Myths vs facts: On paper write down myths and facts of COVID-19. Mix them up and have your child tell you if it is a myth or a fact.
· Puppet show or newscast: Having the child put on a puppet show or newscast about COVID-19 can allow them to have control. When traumatic events happen children often lose control and are not allowed choices in the event. Give them choices and control when possible.
· Legos: A child can make a hospital out of Legos. As previously discussed with playing “doctor” you could play doctor with Legos!
· “Flush” your worries away: If a child is having anxiety related to this event have them write their fears and worries on toilet paper. They can “flush” their worries away. *Be mindful of how much toilet paper you are using for this activity.
· Cancelling plans: Did you have to cancel a vacation? Have your child write a letter or draw a picture focusing on their emotions with canceling the trip. If they don’t like to write letters or draw have them make their emotions out of playdough. After they make their emotions have them hit the playdough or tear it apart. This allows them to process their feelings in a constructive way. Once they process their feelings take a virtual tour of where you were planning to go on vacation. There are lots of YouTube videos from different vacation spots. Eat a fun snack while watching!
· Video games: If you have a child who loves to play video games have them design their own video game based on COVID-19. You could make a blueprint about the characters, what the goal of the game would be, how many players, etc.
Ages 12-18
This age group has developed abstract thinking. They can have deeper conversations with you. Providing them with facts and not feelings is important. Most children at this age have phones. They will likely research on their own or have conversations with their friends about COVID-19. It is important to check in with them to make sure they are getting the correct information. They may become isolated due to being emotional about missing out on sporting events, prom, etc. Socialization is crucial at this age so allow them to talk with their friends as much as possible. Make sure to let them know they can come talk to you.
Activities to do:
· Game night/movie night: Have family game night or watch a movie together. This age may not want to participate in activities around COVID-19. If you play a board game with them you may have a chance to have open communication during this time.
· Song writing: Have them write a song about their feelings during this time. This allows them to release their feelings down on paper.
· Journaling: Have your child write in a journal every day. This not only allows them to release their feelings but it provides them an opportunity to continue to work on their writing skills.
· Scrapbooking. Have your child make a COVID-19 scrapbook. Get creative! They can take funny pictures of themselves, print out funny memes regarding this event, take pictures of their friends facetiming, etc.
Get creative with activities to do with your children. Remember to be attentive to them at this time. Remember to breathe! You got this!
Dana Burnett is a Child Life Specialist. She provides consulting services to hospitals, doctor’s offices, and schools. Email her for more information or booking.
*The age groups were based off of Jean Piaget’s 4 stages of Cognitive Development